Posted by
Duke Livingston on Tuesday, February 06, 2007 8:24:17 PM
THANK YOU FEMINISM!
Feminism has done a great job of liberating the woman in this country! Not only has it helped the women of this country, but I think it has helped us men a great deal more. Let me explain.
Before the feminist movement, we men had to act appropriate in front of you women, but not now. You've unleashed us from our responsibilities. We no longer have to worry about being chivalrous. In fact, opening doors and tipping our hats is viewed as chauvinistic.
You helped push the idea that a woman has a right to chose to do with her body as she pleases, and with Roe v. Wade you helped abortion become legal. This was probably the single greatest gift to come from your movement. No longer do we men have to worry about knocking you up on a one-night stand, resulting in either a shotgun wedding or 18 years of child support. We don't have to worry about that because we can now pressure you into getting an abortion. Problem solved. After all it was recently found out that the most avid supporters of abortions are men ages 18-34.
As for one-night stands, your feminist movement has also done a great job at sexually liberating you. It's now cool for women to "use" men and act as though you have no regrets about drunken sexual escapades after the bar closed. This makes our life so much easier and pleasurable now that you women have lost your vanity.
Oh, and thank you for Title IX! I love going to basketball games and watching the cheerleaders. However now that you fought and won to have cheerleaders cheer before the girls basketball games, my life has gotten much more enjoyable. What can be better than watching girls getting sweaty playing basketball, and simultaneously watch the cheerleaders on the sidelines!
As for helping women break through the so called "glass ceiling", I'm sure you speeded up the process but it was bound to happen anyways. Just look at our economy. We have to import 12 million illegal and uneducated workers just to keep our businesses operating. So I'm not yet at the point of giving the feminist movement all the credit for women in the workplace.
As for child rearing, you would think that if more women are working, then more men would be staying home with the kids, right? Forget about it. Not that we men don't want to. Who wouldn't want to stay home all day with the kids? It's that you don't trust our child-rearing instincts. I don't blame you though. Just look at all of the commercials on TV and how they portray us men. Every time I turn on the TV some imbecile of a man making an idiot of himself.
The only thing feminism has to watch out for is the Queen Bee effect. Once you women get on top you don't like to get off, no pun intended. Once you reach the pinnacle of your profession, you will be eager to tear down any other woman that comes close to your merit due to your inherent jealousness. Just look at Katie Couric at CBS. Once she became anchor, the number of female news assignments dropped by 40%!
So thank you for making our lives easier and less rewarding. You think you made the world a better place for woman, but you've actually made it ten times better for men. No more opening doors, no more unwanted pregnancies, tons of one night stands, and the list goes on. Thank you for unleashing us from our responsibilities as men.
P.S. If you don't know this is a satire, then maybe you should be doing commercials.